Have you ever just stopped and realized how wrong certain parts of your life are? I mean, here I am post incident, post break up, talking to another guy, moving on. And then about a month a half later I realize it’s all wrong. Luckily, I think he realized it too. He’s been weird the past couple of days… distant. And me, well, I just have been avoiding. I think I knew from the beginning that deep down it wasn’t there, but it just started to hit me ya know? Like damnnn he really isn’t right for me. In a way I’m releived. In a way, it makes me feel more okay. More at peace with everything that has happened the past semester. Maybe I just needed the sex, or the attention. Regardless, why do people need that attention. I don’t think I can be alone. I don’t think that I can sit and fall asleep in my room alone. Wake up and not worry about if he texted me back or wake up in his bed and not worry about how funky my make up and hair look. I can’t imagine not having these fears, not having these worries. I can’t fathom the thought of being alone, on my own, creating my own happiness. And how sad is that. How unfortunate. Maybe everyone goes through these phases. Maybe it’s just life. The ins and outs of how it feels to be twenty something. I think (therefore, what I’m saying is most likely 100% wrong) that in order to be happy I need to sever all ties and be happy on my own. Enjoy being alone, love myself, not worry about how to make someone else happy or why they aren’t texting back or why they’re being short. Just be content with myself.
Until next time.